1 You’re different… I’ve never felt like this about someone I’ve never met before.
2 I’m new online and haven’t had time to create a profile… but tell me more about yourself.
3 I never do Cybersex! Yet here in this room alone with you, well, I’m getting excited.
4 I’m 5′4, blonde hair, blue eyes and everyone loves my body!
5 I’m 6′0, great tan, and buffed from working out.
6 Yes of course I’m female…
7 I’m in this private room consoling a depressed friend.
8 No this is my only screen name… You mean you can have more then one?
9 I’m not like most of the guy’s/gal’s here, I want to meet so we can just have coffee and get to know each other. (at the hotel coffee shop)
10 I don’t care what you look like, it’s what’s on the inside that counts (Which is true, it means: I’m horny and could care less, just type)
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Showing posts with label computer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label computer. Show all posts
Jun 20, 2009
Window cost
“How much do Windows cost, and do you have to buy each one separately?”
• Customer: “How much do Windows cost?”
Tech Support: “Windows costs about $100.”
Customer: “Oh, that’s kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?”
• Tech Support: “Do you have any windows open right now?”
Customer: “Are you crazy woman, it’s twenty below outside…”
• “I try to avoid using Microsoft. That’s why I use MS-DOS.”
• Tech Support: “How can I help you?”
Customer: “Well, everything is working fine, but there is one program that is not.”
Tech Support: “What program is it?”
Customer: “It’s called ‘MSDOS Prompt’.”
Tech Support: “What’s wrong with it?”
Customer: “Well, I click on it, a black screen shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads: ‘C:\WINDOWS>’, and it just sits there and doesn’t do anything. I have to turn off the system to go back to Windows.”
• Customer: “File manager? What’s that?”
Tech Support: “How long have you had your computer?”
Customer: “Three years.”
• “I have a 386 Pentium.”
• “My brother has a 486 with a Pentium chip in it.”
• Customer: “The computer told me it had contagious memory. Does it have a virus?”
Tech Support: “No, that is ‘contiguous’ memory, as in ’sequential’.”
Customer: “That is impossible, it said ‘contagious’.”
Tech Support: “Type ‘mem’ and hit the ‘enter’ key.” Customer: “Oh.”
• “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
• Customer: “How much do Windows cost?”
Tech Support: “Windows costs about $100.”
Customer: “Oh, that’s kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?”
• Tech Support: “Do you have any windows open right now?”
Customer: “Are you crazy woman, it’s twenty below outside…”
• “I try to avoid using Microsoft. That’s why I use MS-DOS.”
• Tech Support: “How can I help you?”
Customer: “Well, everything is working fine, but there is one program that is not.”
Tech Support: “What program is it?”
Customer: “It’s called ‘MSDOS Prompt’.”
Tech Support: “What’s wrong with it?”
Customer: “Well, I click on it, a black screen shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads: ‘C:\WINDOWS>’, and it just sits there and doesn’t do anything. I have to turn off the system to go back to Windows.”
• Customer: “File manager? What’s that?”
Tech Support: “How long have you had your computer?”
Customer: “Three years.”
• “I have a 386 Pentium.”
• “My brother has a 486 with a Pentium chip in it.”
• Customer: “The computer told me it had contagious memory. Does it have a virus?”
Tech Support: “No, that is ‘contiguous’ memory, as in ’sequential’.”
Customer: “That is impossible, it said ‘contagious’.”
Tech Support: “Type ‘mem’ and hit the ‘enter’ key.” Customer: “Oh.”
• “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
Technical support
Tech Support: “What version of the Mac OS are you using?”
Customer: “Word 6.0.”
• Tech Support: “What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?”
Customer: “Netscape.”
Tech Support: “Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?”
Customer: “‘Global Travel Conference – Microsoft Internet Explorer’.”
• Tech Support: “Are you installing on a Mac?”
Customer: “No, I’m using a 3.5″ thingee on a disk.”
• Tech Support: “This has Windows 98 on it — did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?”
Customer: “I think it had Office 97.”
• Tech Support: “How much free space do you have on your hard drive?”
Customer: “Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?”
• Customer: “I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95.”
Tech Support: “Can you describe what happens?”
Customer: “Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, ‘C:\WINDOWS>’.”
• Tech Support: “which drive is your CD ROM?”
Customer: “the top one.”
• Customer: “Do I hit ‘F’ and ‘8′ at the same time?”
• Tech Support: “Your password will be…a small ‘a’ as in apple, a capital ‘V’ as in Victor, the number ‘7′ ”
Customer: “Is that a capital ‘7′?”
• Tech Support: “Ok, let’s try once more, but use lower case letters…”
Customer: “Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard.”
Customer: “Word 6.0.”
• Tech Support: “What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?”
Customer: “Netscape.”
Tech Support: “Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?”
Customer: “‘Global Travel Conference – Microsoft Internet Explorer’.”
• Tech Support: “Are you installing on a Mac?”
Customer: “No, I’m using a 3.5″ thingee on a disk.”
• Tech Support: “This has Windows 98 on it — did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?”
Customer: “I think it had Office 97.”
• Tech Support: “How much free space do you have on your hard drive?”
Customer: “Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?”
• Customer: “I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95.”
Tech Support: “Can you describe what happens?”
Customer: “Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, ‘C:\WINDOWS>’.”
• Tech Support: “which drive is your CD ROM?”
Customer: “the top one.”
• Customer: “Do I hit ‘F’ and ‘8′ at the same time?”
• Tech Support: “Your password will be…a small ‘a’ as in apple, a capital ‘V’ as in Victor, the number ‘7′ ”
Customer: “Is that a capital ‘7′?”
• Tech Support: “Ok, let’s try once more, but use lower case letters…”
Customer: “Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard.”
There was a pilot
There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out.
He began circling around looking for a landmark. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with a guy working alone on the fifth floor. He banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, “Hey where am I?”
The man replies, “You’re in an airplane.” The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to perform a perfect blind landing on the airport runway 5 miles away.
Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out. The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.
“Quite easy,” replies the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore, that must be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East.”
He began circling around looking for a landmark. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with a guy working alone on the fifth floor. He banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, “Hey where am I?”
The man replies, “You’re in an airplane.” The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to perform a perfect blind landing on the airport runway 5 miles away.
Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out. The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.
“Quite easy,” replies the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore, that must be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East.”
Your bookmarks takes
Your bookmarks takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
• You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don’t have a clue when it happened.
• All of your friends have an @ in their names.
• You’ve already visited all the links at Yahoo and you’re halfway through Excite.
• You check your mail. It says “no new messages.” So you check it again.
• Your phone bill is delivered in a box.
• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
• The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
• You forget what year it is.
• You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month “unlimited.”
• You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don’t have a clue when it happened.
• All of your friends have an @ in their names.
• You’ve already visited all the links at Yahoo and you’re halfway through Excite.
• You check your mail. It says “no new messages.” So you check it again.
• Your phone bill is delivered in a box.
• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
• The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
• You forget what year it is.
• You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month “unlimited.”
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